New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

When Everton hired Fat Frank Their form even lower sank He was then a squatter In the job left by Potter And that’s when he really stank If we’re lucky to get a takeover bid Then we can dream of playing Madrid

[Helmut Shown]

"For relegation, If I could chose It would surely be the Liverpool Blues When this team we play It’s “Handball” the fans say And it’s a game we generally lose When Everton hired Fat Frank Their form even lower sank"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"In a tea plantation in Darjeeling, An old tea picker's crotch he was feeling What was under her sari Had a whiff of Calamari The experience was most unappealing For relegation, If I could chose It would surely be the Liverpool Blues"

[arsene york-hunt]

"He nipped to the shop to get bread When a pigeon shat on his head, In the ensuing fuss, He fell under a bus, And now the poor geezer is dead. In a tea plantation in Darjeeling, An old tea picker's crotch he was feeling."

[Helmut Shown]

"A slapper, quite fond of the Japs, Had unfeasibly stretchy piss-flaps. When those labia parted And she fanny farted She accompanied herself with loud claps He nipped to the shop to get bread When a pigeon shat on his head"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"An inventor from quite near to Poole, Made a machine recycling his stool. And once in production It made a reduction In effluent: folk said that it was quite cool. A slapper, quite fond of the Japs, Had unfeasibly stretchy piss-flaps."

[arsene york-hunt]

"It really makes me heave When Key-eff is now pronounced Keeve, Meanwhile Vladimir Putin His rockets he's shootin'. What next has the cսnt up his sleeve. An inventor from quite near to Poole, Made a machine recycling his stool."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

There was an old man from Carlisle Was troubled by a low hanging pile When he took a firm grip And tore off the polyp You could hear his scream for a mile It really makes me heave When Key-eff is now pronounced Keeve

[Helmut Shown]

"To be, not to be is the question, Shall I renew, what's your suggestion? Will the wide boys Get rid of Moyes? Then I’ll leave it to your discretion There was an old man from Carlisle Was troubled by a low hanging pile"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I see yet another new kit. How many here think it's shit? Shirts off the peg Cost an arm and a leg And half the time don't even fit. To be, not to be is the question, Shall I renew, what's your suggestion?"

[Mike Oxsaw]

Danny Murphy on tv I fear Has a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. Just...get rid of the box It's a curse and a pox And it fuddles your brain - that is clear. I see yet another new kit. How many here think it's shit?

[Mike Oxsaw]

Danny Murphy on tv I fear Has a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. Just...get rid of the box It's a curse and a pox And it fuddles your brain - that is clear. I see yet another new kit. How many here think it's shit?

[Helmut Shown]

"The actress Samantha Janus, While on stage doing Corialanus Went down on all fours And ripped off her drawers All this to entertain us Danny Murphy on tv I fear Has a bad case of verbal diarrhoea"

[arsene york-hunt]

"While on a boat trip down the Liffey He had a few pints and felt squiffy Threw up in the drink Turned a distorted pink. Like a scene filmed in anaglyphy, The actress Samantha Janus, While on stage doing Corialanus"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was an old man of Bombay Who had a peculiar way. On a diet of beans Augmented with greens He, at least, got to shit every day While on a boat trip down the Liffey He had a few pints and felt squiffy"

[Mike Oxsaw]

A lady I once knew from Crete Would squat and shit in the street. She drew quite a crowd Of which she was proud Her artistry couldn't be beat. There was an old man of Bombay Who had a perculiar way.

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Next up we've got the Bees, About time we turned over these. I hope Moyes will say That Rice will not play Or our luck he'll fuck up his knees A lady I once knew from Crete Would squat and shit in the street"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The Saints have now dropped through the net Let's hope for next season we're set, The chance that we fall Is almost bugger all., My season ticket I'll renew yet. Next up we've got the Bees, About time we turned over these."

[Helmut Shown]

"I started to feel very sick, After hours of priapic dick The blood's drained from my head As I lay on the bed a wank simply won't do the trick The Saints have now dropped through the net Let's hope for next season we're set"

[arsene york-hunt]

"On a nudist beach in Devon I thought I'd died and landed in heaven, But after a jiffy, Had to hide my stiffy, Couldn't leave 'til twenty past seven. I started to feel very sick, After hours of priapic dick,"

[Helmut Shown]

"While on the subject of tackle, I went out fishing at Acle. While holding my rod I was caught by plod My hands are now locked by a shackle On a nudist beach in Devon I thought I'd died and landed in heaven"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The end of my wand hurts so much To describe it becomes double dutch My new doctor called Hans, Said ""Stop rubbing your glans- And cut down on wanking and such."" While on the subject of tackle, I went out fishing at Acle."

[BRANDED]

When you go out you know in your brain It's going to start pissing with rain So take a rain coat umbrella and hope The forecaster's words weren't in vain The end of my wand hurts so much To describe it becomes double dutch

[Helmut Shown]

"That DJ last night makes me spit, Prancing around playing such shit. Since they hired this freak Can't hear oneself speak The bloke is a fivestar fuckwit When you go out you know in your brain It's going to start pissing with rain"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The fashion sense of some I doubt Those trousers with their arse hanging out? And fat birds in short skirts They must be be extraverts, Going upstairs, you see up their clout. That DJ last night makes me spit, Prancing around playing such shit."