New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"A Brighton fan to the match coming, First went up West for a bumming But on Hamstead Heath He lost his false teeth So gave his boyfriend a good gumming I really like a girl who spits Especially one with big tits"

[arsene york-hunt]

"He was rimming his girl in good cheer, Not knowing she had diarrhoea. This silly young fool, Got covered in stool. Which squirted unformed from her rear. A Brighton fan to the match coming, First went up West for a bumming"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A rent boys fan out with some chums, Sold his arse'ole for a few rums For the price of a gin, He'd let a cock in But not when he stayed at his mums. He was rimming his girl in good cheer, Not knowing she had diarrhoea."

[arsene york-hunt]

"I know it’s the New Year but Can we please get back to the smut, Lets clear the decks For unnatural sex Blow jobs and dropping ones gut, A rent boys fan out with some chums, Sold his arse'ole for a few rums"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"My wish for the coming year Is our team playing without fear Like back in the day The way we'd play With Brooking, Devo and Dear I know it’s the New Year but Can we please get back to the smut"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"My wish for the coming year Is our team playing without fear Like back in the day The way we'd play With Brooking, Devo and Dear I know it’s the New Year but Can we please get back to the smut"

[Helmut Shown]

The new year has been the big thing I'm keen for the joy it can bring. Please no more tall stories From the incumbent Tories I'd sack 'em if I were the King My wish for the coming year Is our team playing without fear

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Another New Year in the offing, Another year nearer the coffin. Life's not a dry run, So go have some fun Football, lots of sex and beer quaffing. The new year has been the big thing I'm keen for the joy it can bring."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Into the New Year we'll ring I wonder what this one will bring, Will it be more Moyesball, Only winning fuck all, But we'll still turn up, that's the thing. Another New Year in the offing, Another year nearer the coffin."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Yew-nigh'id are deep in the shit Plastics did not sign up for this Their fans from Dorking Are already squawking As well as the ones from Diss Into the New Year we'll ring I wonder what this one will bring

[arsene york-hunt]

"This Brighton team is free scoring And the way that they play is not boring, Be careful what you say, About them being gay, The Wokes will record your outpouring. Yew-nigh'id are deep in the shit Plastics did not sign up for this"

[,]

This African Cup of Nations Could ruin our league aspirations So let’s give it a try And go out and buy Not African chaps but Asians This Brighton team is free scoring And the way that they play is not boring

[,]

(nt)

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a young chap called Gus Had a bad sore on his anus. As he squeezed out a turd A ""pop"" noise was heard And the pan was all covered in pus This African Cup of Nations Could ruin our league aspirations"

[arsene york-hunt]

An Uzbek who came from Tashkent Had a penis all addled and bent. It was given a rest And he did not divest As he'd given up wanking for lent. There once was a young chap called Gus Had a bad sore on his anus.

[Helmut Shown]

A girl wouldn‚Äôt take off her drawers As her cսnt was all covered in sores through a hole in the back You could access her crack And then bash in her back doors An Uzbek who came from Tashkent Had a penis all addled and bent

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"There was an old man from Brechin, Whose pants had a big brown streak in That last wet fart Turned into a shart Proving his arsehole is leakin' A girl wouldn‚Äôt take off her drawers As her cսnt was all covered in sores"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young man from Hong Kong His penis wasn't that long, But his balls, if you please, Hung right down to his knees. I would say that it looked quite wrong. There was an old man from Brechin, Whose pants had a big brown streak in."

[Helmut Shown]

"Picked her from a bar in Pattaya, But first bargained how much he'd pay 'er. Paying what he afforded The session recorded Now seen on a VHS player There was a young man from Hong Kong His penis wasn't that long"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Her cսnt was so hairy it appeared The spitting of old Santa's beard, Her bloke, a real charmer, Took her to a farmer. And had the fucking lot sheared. Picked her from a bar in Pattaya, But first bargained how much he'd pay 'er."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Ange may have been good at Celtic, But in the PL's a bit of a prick When I think of the Spurs And all it infers The thought makes me violently sick Her cսnt was so hairy it appeared The spitting of old Santa's beard"

[arsene york-hunt]

"That piece t'ween anus and balls The part that puts skids in your smalls I think you'll find old chum, It's the perineum, It's the anus from whence the shit falls. Ange may have been good at Celtic, But in the PL's a bit of a prick"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Whilst having a midnight swim She felt someone grasping her quim An inquisitive shark Came up from the dark The result was decidedly grim That piece t'ween anus and balls The part that puts skids in your smalls

[Helmut Shown]

"We've mugged sp*rs and Arsenal away, Both bottling it in their own way. But when it comes to the scousers Moyes shits his trousers In what was a gutless display Whilst having a midnight swim She felt someone grasping her quim"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Of points we have thirty and three And sixth in the table, you see. The team's not a flop We're safe from the drop So I'm off for a nice cup of tea. We've mugged sp*rs and Arsenal away, Both bottling it in their own way."