New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young girl from County Kildare, Had crab lice in her pubic hair. She saw them as pets So went to the vets To get them some medical care. He banged this young girl in the muff She said that it wasn't enough"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A yuppie who moved to Docklands Was very free with his hands, Whether fingering sluts, Scratching his own nuts, Or fondling mamary glands. A young girl from County Kildare, Had crab lice in her pubic hair."

[Helmut Shown]

"A girlfriend i had was queer She liked me to cum in her ear As I proffered my knob To stick in her gob She turned to one side, I fear A yuppie who moved to Docklands Was very free with his hands"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Hiss hiss, hiss-hiss-hiss...hiss-hiss-hiss, Hiss HISS, hiss-hiss-hiss...hiss-hiss-hiss, Oh, my lord You're obviously bored I think you're just taking the piss A girlfriend i had was queer She liked me to cum in her ear"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A black man, a Chinese and two Jocks, Were comparing the size of their cocks A bloke from down south, Checked them out in his mouth And one of the cunts gave him pox In the interests of diversity and inclusivity, I am starting the next verse in the style of a snake: Hiss hiss, hiss-hiss-hiss...hiss-hiss-hiss, Hiss HISS, hiss-hiss-hiss...hiss-hiss-hiss,"

[arsene york-hunt]

"My weird uncle named Bert Would go to the pub in a skirt. And if, by the way You don't call him them/they You'll get a knee where it will hurt. A black man, a Chinese and two Jocks, Were comparing the size of their cocks"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

I knew that the girl had class Shoving a finger up my arse But when I was pissed She tried her whole fist Would I want that again? I'll pass My weird uncle named Bert Would go to the pub in a skirt

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

I knew that the girl had class Shoving a finger up my arse But when I was pissed She tried her whole fist Would I want that again? I'll pass My weird uncle named Bert Would go to the pub in a skirt

[Helmut Shown]

On Sunday best eleven home ground Will put us in the next round But with Moyes in control No win at a stroll And his substitutions dumbfound I knew that the girl had class Shoving a finger up my arse

[Helmut Shown]

On Sunday best eleven home ground Will put us in the next round But with Moyes in control No win at a stroll And his substitutions dumbfound I knew that the girl had class Shoving a finger up my arse

[,]

"A West Country Carrot Cruncher Had a sister, a keen rug muncher This malevolent dyke Has just stolen my bike When I find her I’m going to punch her On Sunday best eleven home ground Will put us in the next round"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The poet Percival Shelley, Was a fan of KY jelly Not wanting to sound dim But I've never heard of him Is he someone on the telly? A West Country Carrot Cruncher Had a sister, a keen rug muncher"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young man from Korea Had a violent bout of diarrhoea, An unfortunate bloke, His illness, no joke, Caused by drinking Tia Maria, The poet Percival Shelley, Was a fan of KY jelly"

[Helmut Shown]

"Bristol is a proper shit hole No life and definitely no soul But the worst thing by far Is them shouting ""oo arr"" Whenever they get near a goal There was a young man from Korea Had a violent bout of diarrhoea"

[Helmut Shown]

An elderly vicar named Giles Had a serious case of the piles It was quite the display As he bent down to pray Split trousers caused a few smiles There was a young man from Korea Had a violent bout of diarrhoea

[Alwaysaniron]

"In a bar I picked up a stripper, But her fanny stunk like a kipper Not a great fan of fish I avoided that dish And shoved it dry up her shitter. Bristol is a proper shit hole No life and definitely no soul"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"In a bar I picked up a stripper, But her fanny stunk like a kipper But the smell of her twat I'd forgotten 'bout that As she slowly undid my zipper An elderly vicar named Giles Had a serious case of the piles"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I see the Blues have decided to chuck He that gives grannies a fuck Not very good lookers, Local brothel hookers. Who'd do anything for a buck. In a bar I picked up a stripper, But her fanny stunk like a kipper"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

They knew she'd had sex with a miner As she'd coal dust on her vagina For a bag of Nutty Slack She'd lain on her back And let him slip it inside 'er I see the Blues have decided to chuck He that gives grannies a fuck

[Helmut Shown]

"Jesus called his disciples, then Said ""I'll make you fishers of men"" ""And it won't matter That they call you brown hatter Instead of Barbie choose Ken"" They knew she'd had sex with a miner As she'd coal dust on her vagina"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A farmer dressed up as Bo Peep Intending to bugger his sheep But the Ovis Aries, Caught his scent in the breeze, So he fucked off to bed for a sleep. Jesus called his disciples, then Said ""I'll make you fishers of men"""

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

As he sat by the pitch on a stool Moyes started pulling his tool He may as well have a wank Cos the football is rank Our David is nobody's fool A farmer dressed up as Bo Peep Intending to bugger his sheep

[Helmut Shown]

Whilst drinking a pint of real ale The young girl was feeling quite frail. When you quaff London Pride and you get it inside Your arse will be blowing a gale As he sat by the pitch on a stool Moyes started pulling his tool

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man from Belize, Whose smegma stank of blue cheese. But, spread on some bread, A few people said ""I'll have more of that, if you please!"". Whilst drinking a pint of real ale The young girl was feeling quite frail."

[arsene york-hunt]

"I really like a girl who spits Especially one with big tits But I don't like the flowers That hog the bog for hours, When suff'ring a dose of the shits. There was a young man from Belize, Whose smegma stank of blue cheese."