New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"I've just discovered WHO's new site But will it still be just as shite? Perhaps we could boast Better quality of post I don’t hold much hope, but it might We welcome to the fold Far East Well he’s here today at least"

[Far East Hammer]

"A Russian from Vladivostock Got bitten by a gnat on his cock Never mind, all was well As he started to swell Tool big enough for none to mock I've just discovered WHO's new site But will it still be just as shite?"

[Helmut Shown]

"Kalvin Phillips a Hammer, yes But his hairdo looks a right mess He may look a fanny Perhaps closet tranny? Hope he doesn't come in a dress A Russian from Vladivostock Got bitten by a gnat on his cock"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm told that the opera is class To me it's a fat noisy arse. But excuse my derision, But rock is my vision, Of hell, so I give it a pass. Kalvin Phillips a Hammer, yes But his hairdo looks a right mess"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm told that the opera is class To me it's a fat noisy arse. But excuse my derision, But rock is my vision, Of hell, so I give it a pass. Kalvin Phillips a Hammer, yes But his hairdo looks a right mess"

[Mike Oxsaw]

Travelling on the District line He thought getting his knob out was fine He reached Tower Hill On a little blue pill Beyond that he saw a decline. I'm told that the opera is class To me it's a fat noisy arse.

[Helmut Shown]

"Mike Oxsaw last rhyme was chimeric, And more than a tad esoteric His post was clear Unlike some on here You'd be lucky if they're alphanumeric Travelling on the District line He thought getting his knob out was fine"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Is Trump coming back? Is he not? For me it's a bucket of snot. You'd have to be mad, To vote for this cad, A self serving wanker, or what? Mike Oxsaw last rhyme was chimeric, And more than a tad esoteric"

[Mike Oxsaw]

In the cold he wanted to go So he signed his name in the snow But what makes it frightening? It was in her hand-writing But it's probably best you don't know. Is Trump coming back? Is he not? For me it's a bucket of snot.

[Helmut Shown]

Now Monkeys aren't that good at planning And had forgotten all about the hard landing A very loud thump Left a very large lump its a wonder the poor thing's still standing In the cold he wanted to go So he signed his name in the snow

[Alwaysaniron]

"The monkey fell out of the tree And as he descended, did pee The troop down below Stood and gasped at the show Barely believing what they could all see. Now Monkeys aren't that good at planning And had forgotten all about the hard landing"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"As I looked to the street through the shutter I saw a girl squat in the gutter. She curled out a log That would block any bog Topped off with a runny, brown splutter. The monkey fell out of the tree And as he descended, did pee"

[Helmut Shown]

That last rhyme was supposed to be About the Rwanda policy Send home Iraqis And sundry darkies And set the council houses free As I looked to the street through the shutter I saw a girl squat in the gutter

[arsene york-hunt]

"Home time and getting late But there’s a need to defecate I will have to run, Home to use the bum gun, Fuck using bum-paper mate. That last rhyme was supposed to be About the Rwanda policy"

[Helmut Shown]

"t's like Brexit again deja-vue, Ignoring the likes of me and you These Tory gits Get on your tits All public schoolboys too Home time and getting late But there’s a need to defecate"

[arsene york-hunt]

"To be a referee, I think you'll find You come from oop north and you're blind if your team's from the smoke, It's a fucking big joke. Fair play? Has been clearly declined. It's like Brexit again deja-vue, Ignoring the likes of me and you"

[Helmut Shown]

"How many times will we say? We wuz robbed by the ref today This refereeing hell From the north west cartel Their ego, forget fair play To be a referee, I think you'll find You come from oop north and you're blind"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Hoorah! The site it has come back today! I hope beyond hope it will stay! I missed Nutsin's rants That bloke is seriously pants I really hope the twat goes away How many times will we say? We wuz robbed by the ref today

[Mike Oxsaw]

There was a man from Timbuktu Made a machine that ran on goat's poo. The shit from a skunk? Fermented and drunk. It's all that these foreign types do. Hoorah! The site it has come back today! I hope beyond hope it will stay!

[arsene york-hunt]

"A Barmaid with a very nice rack Was without reason just given the sack, The employment court, Considered and thought, She was dismissed 'cause she wasn't black. There was a man from Timbuctu Made a machine that ran on goat's poo."

[Alwaysaniron]

There once was a pervy copper Got caught exposing his chopper Do you wanna cop a quick feel Said the dirty Old Bill One quick stroke and you'd make it a whopper. A Barmaid with a very nice rack Was without reason just given the sack

[Helmut Shown]

Oops! A girl from the port of Marseilles Would not bother with any foreplay No wet finger or lube Would dampen her tube It made for a gritty bomb bay There once was a pervy copper Got caught exposing his chopper

[Helmut Shown]

"A sex pest in front of the beak, Liked giving girl's titties a tweak The girls would all swerve This dirty old perv His sentencing comes up next week There once was a pervy copper Got caught exposing his chopper"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"A sex pest in front of the beak, Liked giving girl's titties a tweak He was given a score It would've been more Had it only been just once a week A girl from the port of Marseilles Would not bother with any foreplay"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A geezer who hails from Bridport Needed a shit but caught short. The faeces did ooze, From arse'ole to shoes, Stinking out the entire airport. A sex pest in front of the beak, Liked giving girl's titties a tweak"