New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"A zoophiliac squirted his spunk, In the arse of a fully grown skunk In need of disinfection After withdrawing his erection 'cause the poor thing squited its gunk Ipswich fulfilling their dreams Yet another of our bogey teams"

[Helmut Shown]

(nt)

[arsene york-hunt]

"She walked in, the epitome of glamour but when she spoke she had a bad stammer. By a stroke of good luck Asked """"F- fancy a f- f- fuck? I've never done it with a Hammer."" A zoophiliac squirted his spunk, In the arse of a fully grow. skunk"

[Helmut Shown]

"I've really got the most sweaty balls As a result of my cheap nylon smalls Cotton undercrackers Should sort out my knackers And stop walking like Neanderthals She walked in, the epitome of glamour but when she spoke she had a bad stammer"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"In Camelot the bold Sir Janus, On our bare bums he would cane us With a swish of the stick With the thin end not thick The result was really most heinous I've really got the most sweaty balls As a result of my cheap nylon smalls"

[arsene york-hunt]

"How much will the Russians take To end our Moyes heartache, Should push out the boat, To be rid of the scrote, Stump up for everyone's sake. In Camelot the bold Sir Janus, On our bare bums he would cane us,"

[Helmut Shown]

"A mad knife man isn't much fun, In the US would have been a gun But Trump and his friends And other bellends Biggest cunts under the sun How much will the Russians take To end our Moyes heartache"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The problem of age is you see You get up all hours for a pee, And much more unlucky, No more fucky-fucky, Hard, your dick wil ne'er again be. A mad knife man isn't much fun, In theUS would have been a gun"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"A white man in Hainault went mad, And sadly he killed a young lad Its normal I'm choosing Some words most amusing But in this case it's really quite sad The problem of age is you see You get up all hours for a pee"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man from Rye, Had a big wart on his jap's eye. Some Carbolic soap Was his only hope Don't know if it works, worth a try. A white man in Hainault went mad, And sadly he killed a young lad."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Did I, perhaps, ever mention The poster demanding attention? It's a football website, Just ignore all that shite. It shouldn't rate your apprehension. There was a young man from Rye, Had a big wart on his jap's eye"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"When I think about it, I cringe Stuck my finger up her mother's minge I must have been mad! In front of her dad? No wonder she started to whinge. Did I, perhaps, ever mention The poster demanding attention?"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Her bottom was deliciously pert quite visible from under her skirt I obswerved her affairs, When she went up some stairs And my eyes, I could not avert. When I think about it, I cringe Stuck my finger up her mother's minge"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"He thought he'd first have a bash, At licking his new girl friend's gash But his labial kiss Tasted strongly of piss It was clear she'd just had a slash Her bottom was deliciously pert quite visible from under her skirt"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"He thought he'd first have a bash, At licking his new girl friend's gash But his labial kiss Tasted strongly of piss It was clear she'd just had a slash Her bottom was deliciously pert quite visible from under her skirt"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Amongst east european fruit pickers The ladies keep cool with no knickers, But the smell from their crutch, Can be just far too much, The farmers put up warning stickers. He thought he'd first have a bash, At licking his new girl friend's gash"

[Helmut Shown]

"The best quiz host seen on your screen, Bradley Walsh or perhaps Hughie Green Michael Miles from Take Your Pick Quizzed people who were thick Shit telly has become the routine Amongst east european fruit pickers The ladies keep cool with no knickers"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I hope that all that sitting at trials Gives Trump a bad case of the piles And Sturgeon should be sick, (If) her cell-mate has a dick,* Which would get alround lots of smiles. *Paraphrased from a song by Dominic Frisby. The best quiz host seen on your screen, Bradley Walsh or perhaps Hughie Green"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"A bloke that I know called Danny, Picked up a really old granny But he wasn't a looney Like our old friend Rooney And stayed well clear of her fanny I hope that all that sitting at trials Gives Trump a bad case of the piles"

[arsene york-hunt]

"While preparing for a visit downstairs I noticed some crabs in her hairs, I applied lots of foam Scraped them out with a comb, Then availed myself of her wares. A bloke that I know called Danny, Picked up a really old granny."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Hello Mrs Jones and Helmut Shown The most romantic poets I've known I find my best inspiration Is after excessive libation Or while taking a dump on the throne While preparing for a visit downstairs I noticed some crabs in her hairs

[arsene york-hunt]

"The cunts who watch the VAR screen Fuck ups are always routine, Manure, Liverpool, Come up trumps as a rule, For the rest it takes off the sheen. Hello Mrs Jones and Helmut Shown The most romantic poets I've known,"

[Helmut Shown]

"No fragrant douche could expunge The foul fishy smell of her clunge Her fanny so sour They gave her a shower With carbolic, Dettol and a sponge The cunts who watch the VAR screen Fuck ups are always routine"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"There was a young lady from Diss, Had a ring in her clitoris. What was even shabbier Was the stud in her labia Which was permanently drenched in piss No fragrant douche could expunge The foul fishy smell of her clunge"

[arsene york-hunt]

"She stripped off her clothes and stood there, And the passengers tried not to stare. Told the Police at Nottingham ""My clothes, I felt hot'in'em, I'm a nudist and like to be bare."" There was a young lady from Diss, Had a ring in her clitoris."