New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[arsene york-hunt]

"A poor bloke got flukes in the liver Through swimming in a polluted river, On his hospital bed, He came back from the dead Fondling the tits of a caregiver. Our maths teacher Mr. Metcalf, Blew off and made everyone laugh"

[Helmut Shown]

"The cowboy sung ""Home on the range"", But his actions were really quite strange at the end of this saga On the hotplate of the Aga Caused him a rapid key change A poor bloke got flukes in the liver Through swimming in a polluted river"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A lonely young man from Dover, Loved his pet mongrel called Rover. But the love turned to hate, 'cos the dog found a mate As such, canine love was all over. The cowboy sung ""Home on the range"", But his actions were really quite strange"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young man from the Gower Was wanking one day in the shower, It was a long wait, To ejaculate, It took him just under an hour. A lonely young man from Dover, Loved his pet mongrel called Rover"

[Helmut Shown]

"The site is now so much more fleeter, Now Two Bob has been put in the meter. So come one and all Long short or tall Pervert, mysogenist, wife beater A Scotsman from near Prestonpans, With sores on his corona glans His doctor said “Jock We’ll cut off your cock” Now he identifies as trans There was a young man from the Gower Was wanking one day in the shower"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"An old man who came from Headcorn Would often sit down to watch porn He had boxes of tissues, To deal with the issues, Which lasted from dusk until dawn. The site is now so much more fleeter, Now Two Bob has been put in the meter."

[arsene york-hunt]

"An old man who came from Headcorn Would often sit down to watch porn, At the screen he sat, Catching drips in his hat, And singing The Mountains of Morne. A Scotsman from near Prestonpans, With sores on his corona glans."

[Helmut Shown]

"His silent fart certainly stank, When stood in the queue at the bank. But with true British phlegm No one would condemn The smell of an open septic tank An old man who came from Headcorn Would often sit down to watch porn"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A knock from the man from the Pru He said ""May I use your loo"" Thought he wanted a slash, But did a pebble dash, Which looked like a green lentil stew.. His silent fart certainly stank, When stood in the queue at the bank."

[Helmut Shown]

"So, now Putin is building platoons From countries who're are decent with tunes. He has it in hand To form a brass band So he can accompany on spoons A knock from the man from the Pru He said ""May I use your loo"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"To the polling station I'd say A big waste of a part of my day. Just get there quite early And lay down a curly When voting just do it your way. So, now Putin is building platoons From countries who's people are...fill that bit in yourself....actually, don't...are decent with tunes."

[arsene york-hunt]

"They said it was Professor Plum That rammed the lead pipe up my bum, Not once but twice, And it was quite nice While Miss Scarlett helped me to come. To the polling station I'd say A big waste of a part of my day.."

[arsene york-hunt]

"They said it was Professor Plum That rammed the lead pipe up my bum, Not once but twice, And it was quite nice While Miss Scarlett helped me to come. To the polling station I'd say A big waste of a part of my day.."

[Helmut Shown]

So Helmut's now a looney leftist Right of Corbyn? Then you're a facist* But your vote's a banker For a public school wanker Who bring politics down to the basest** * Sic ** It rhymes with facist but not fascist They said it was Professor Plum That rammed the lead pipe up my bum

[Helmut Shown]

So Helmut's now a looney leftist Right of Corbyn? Then you're a facist* But your vote's a banker For a public school wanker Who bring politics down to the basest** * Sic ** It rhymes with facist but not fascist They said it was Professor Plum That rammed the lead pipe up my bum

[arsene york-hunt]

"For the Tories no celebration For the crooks who've been robbing the nation, And not much joy too For those of us who Must endure the next administration. So Helmut's now a looney leftist Right of Corbyn? Then you're a facist"

[Helmut Shown]

"When Starmer's ousted by Marxists, The new Stazi will compile black lists This sounds like a barrage Delivered by Farage Or one of his cabal of fascists For the Tories no celebration For the crooks who've been robbing the nation"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The media just can't stand Farage ""Brexit?"" they say, ""Criminal charge!!!"". A media man Hired a thesbian, In a pub to be giving it large. When Starmer's ousted by Marxists, The new Stazi will compile black lists."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was a young chap called Gus Got pissed, shit himself on a bus Ne'er mind ""Any more fares?"" It ran all down the stairs The driver didn't half kick up a fuss. The media just can't stand Farage ""Brexit?"" they say, ""Criminal charge!!!""."

[arsene york-hunt]

"So. Manchester fucks up...again 'cos no one can get on a plane., North'ners going abroad, Are angry and bored, It's driving the poor dears insane. There once was a young chap called Gus Got pissed, shit himself on a bus"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was an old scrubber called Pearl Used language to make your toes curl But, if you pushed your luck, Five bob for a fuck, Plus blow-job to make your thoughts whirl. So. Manchester fucks up...again 'cos no one can get on a plane."

[Helmut Shown]

There was a German bloke called Herman On the underground had a Sherman They’d cut off his dick If he pulled this trick On a train in downtown Omdurman There was an old scrubber called Pearl Used language to make your toes curl

[arsene york-hunt]

"A few beers: my mind is a fog. I need to lay off of this grog My love life is iffy, I can't get a stiffy, And I keep rushing to the bog, There was a German bloke called Herman On the underground had a Sherman.."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"It stunk,our performance today. These foreign chaps, we can't outplay The one thing that wrecks it, Is quite simply Brexit. Well, that's what the losers will say. A few beers: my mind is a fog. I need to lay off of this grog."

[arsene york-hunt]

"They say the earth's getting hot. The sun, they say, has lost the plot. We are going tto see. A catastrophe I'll be dead then, so fuck you lot. It stunk,our performance today. These foreign chaps, we cant outplay"