New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[BillyJenningsBoots]

Our rhymes are all about nudity
coarse obscenities and crudity
But I would much rather
With humous and taramasalata
buttered toast than crudités 

Why oh why oh why oh why
Does Decaln Rice still make Vexed cry

[Helmut Shown]

She undressed and got into bed,
Then said "Do you fancy some head?"
But it didn't follow
she was certain to swallow
So  he fucked her arsehole instead

Our rhymes are all about nudity
coarse obscenities and crudity

 

[Mike Oxsaw]

There was a bloke from Bethnal Green
Made a new arse wiping machine
It rubs forth and back
To polish your crack
Ensuring your butt's squeaky-clean.

She undressed and got into bed,
Then said "Do you fancy some head?"

[F 129 Row66]

An obsessive poster on here
Every post contains "Kier"
Don't know who that could be
But it's not fucking me,
I'll end by calling him two tier

,There was a bloke from Bethnal Green
Made a new arse wiping machine

[Helmut Shown]

A catholic man name of Keith,
Used to cut the tip off his sheath
imagine her surprise
As she opens her thighs
And finds a creampie underneath

An obsessive poster on here
Every post contains "Kier"

[F 129 Row66]

Rwanda now good for the Krauts,
So, why did we have any doubts?
Since Kier came to power,
They come in,this shower,
Thousands a day, or thereabouts.

A catholic man name of Keith,
Used to cut the tip off his sheath

 

[Mike Oxsaw]

A Muslim man from Peru
At the mosque found shit in his shoe.
A massive great log,
That would block any bog,
Was clearly one laid by a Jew.

Rwanda now good for the Krauts,
So, why did we have any doubts?

[Helmut Shown]

There once was an angler from Acle.
A girl asked him "Show me your tackle."
he whipped out his rod
she screamed “dirty sod!”
misunderstanding turned to debacle

A Muslim man from Peru
At the mosque found shit in his shoe

[F 129 Row66]

I dated a girl from Bombay
As sexy as fuck, I must say.
And, if you please
'Neath her salwar kameez

No drawers she was wearing that day.

 

There once was an angler from Acle.
A girl asked him "Show me your tackle."

[Mike Oxsaw]

A prostitute down from the sticks,
Charged extra for blokes with big dicks,
But those who were twee,
Could fuck her for free
As long as they had no crabs or tics.

I dated a girl from Bombay
As sexy as fuck, I must say.

[F 129 Row66]

As she travelled to go to the gym
Her catsuit showed the shape of her quim,
She loved to show,
Her big camel toe,
She had too a big double chin.

A prostitute down from the sticks,
Charged extra for blokes with big dicks

[Helmut Shown]

The shit in our rivers and sea,
Is mixed up with gallons of pee.
with tampon and jamrags
wrapped in plastic bags
No swimming in there for me

As she travelled to go to the gym
Her catsuit showed the shape of her quim

[Mike Oxsaw]

There once was a young man called Reg.
Had sores on his meat and two veg.
Once cured he felt super,
But he had to use BUPA,
Which cost him a serious wedge.

The shit in our rivers and sea,
Is mixed up with gallons of pee.

[F 129 Row66]

There was an old girl from Devizes
for loud farting she won many prizes,
But she dropped a big log,
When in the synagogue,
A bad follow through, one surmises.

There once was a young man called Reg.
Had sores on his meat and two veg
 

[Helmut Shown]

​​​

If you fancy a really good blow, Then Japan is the place you must go. to assist you to cum ​​​​Geishas finger your bum Their pixellated fannies on show There was an old girl from Devizes for loud farting she won many prizes

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was an actor called Mickey, Did a scene where he exposed his dicky When viewed from afar It was like a crowbar But looking up close it was shitty. If you fancy a really good blow, Then Japan is the place you must go."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Now I'm not one to shout 'fix' When I see we've drawn Liverpool pricks Cunts at the FA, Think this is the way, To safeguard to so called top six** ** Top 5 and sp*rs There once was an actor called Mickey, Did a scene where he exposed his dicky"

[Alwaysaniron]

Notting Hill Carnival it's said. Was lucky that no-one is dead. I get why they would say that that As just breathing there fucks with your head. But life could be so much worse If they held it in Romford instead. Now I'm not one to shout 'fix' When I see we've drawn Liverpool once more

[arsene york-hunt]

"Whilst walking o'er both hill and dale He thought ""I'll become a female!"" ""I'd apply some lipstick, And cut off my old dick,"" Then thought ""Nah, my plans I'll downscale."" Notting Hill Carnival it's said. Was lucky that no-one is dead."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a teacher from Hanoi, Was caught penetrating a boy The expats ALL come, For some little boy bum, A practice the locals enjoy. Whilst walking o'er both hill and dale He thought ""I'll become a female!"""

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was an old man from Tibet Who had an unusual pet, No wings and no legs, It just sits up and begs Bought from an unscrupulous vet. There was a teacher from Hanoi, Was caught penetrating a boy"

[Helmut Shown]

"J.Lo has now got his first win, What direction will we be goin', We'll not win a chalice Struggling at Palace You can't just rely on Bowen There was an old man from Tibet Who had an unusual pet"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A pub band now plan to reform I hope this will not be the norm. Old blokes doing rock What a load of old cock, It aint exactly an artform. J.Lo has now got his first win, What direction will we be goin',"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man from Dien Bien Phu, Worried when his willy turned blue. And now we can tell... He fucked the inkwell, So desperate for a quick screw. A pub band now plan to reform I hope this will not be the norm."

[arsene york-hunt]

"There once was an expat named Ken Who wanted a shag now and then. Not for him the joys, Of local lady boys, He preferred biologocal men. A man from Dien Bien Phu, Worried when his willy turned blue"