THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[HairyHammer]

There was this Hammers fan and he was always happy and smiling.

[Mad Dog]

Binary 101. Not a class for beginners

[The Stoat]

"A Fried Chicken magnate rang the Pope and offered him ÔøΩ200 billion if he changed the words from the Lords prayer from ÔøΩGive us this day our daily bread.ÔøΩ to ÔøΩGive us this day our daily chicken.ÔøΩ After an hour or so, the Pope rang him back and agreed. After another hour, he called a meeting with this cardinals, and said, ÔøΩIÔøΩve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is weÔøΩve just made ÔøΩ200 billion. The bad news is, weÔøΩve lost the Hovis contract.ÔøΩ"

[The Stoat]

"Two woman are sitting in the doctor's waiting room with their husbands. One of the women strikes up a conversation and says to the other one, "" what are you here for then?"" ""It's my arsehole"", replies the woman. ""Goodness me, I'm sorry to hear that"", says the first woman, ""what exactly is the problem?"".... ""He's got the flu"""

[Monk~koknee]

"Your mother is so classless""¶ she could be a Marxist utopia."

[Russ of the BML]

Why did the pervert cross the road? He was chasing the chicken

[Swiss.]

"An Englishman, Irishmsn and Scotsman walk into a bar. Barman says ""What is this some kind of a joke"""

[Mr Polite]

"Si, just because you and claret didn't like it don't mean it aint funny. A priest, a rabbi, and a shaman all walk into a bar. except there's no rabbi and no shaman and it's actually my 8th birthday and the priest is molesting me. and the priest is my uncle and he's not a priest. My uncle molested me... a lot. how can people not like anti-jokes"

[Trevor B]

surprise people?

[Agent Scud]

"Mr Polite 2:22 Thu Aug 20 AG x 5 What does a baby in a blender look like? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate"

[simon.s]

"Don't forget the first rule of comedy, Polite."

[Saul Bollox]

"Two men sitting on a park bench, one says: ""Have you shit your self?"" The other says: ""Yeah,....Why?"" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men sitting on a park bench, one says: ""Have you shit your self?"" The other says: ""Of course I fucking have, You don't think I smell like this all the time?"" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two men sitting on a park bench, one says: ""Have you shit your self?"" The other says: ""No....well not today"""

[Trevor B]

"yeah polite, don't be so sexist, why not a little girl? dont be ageist, why not an adult man or women? you cսnt."

[claret on my shirt]

"Mr Polite 2:22 Thu Aug 20 wow, is there any need for that?"

[Mr Polite]

"What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died? Nothing. He was very sick, and could not speak due to the tubes in his mouth."

[ted fenton]

"I heard in a recent study 1 in 8 people live next door to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to a stunning 11 yerar old with a nice arse"

[mallard]

Monk~koknee 12:31 Thu Aug 20 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Ha ! Ha!

[Tomsdad]

"A man walks into the butchers and ask for some sausages. The butchers says they have run out, so the man says that's alright my bikes outside!"

[Monk~koknee]

"At last an ally Mr P A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware that he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is a shambles."

[Mr Polite]

Monk~koknee 5:22 Sat Aug 15 I love a good Anti Joke How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw acorns at her whilst screaming Jabbwocky is coming

[Willtell]

"A desperate woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, ""Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"" She screamed, ""No, f*ck off you filthy old bastard!"" He shrugged and turned away, saying ""Okay, I'll just go and wait down at the bottom of the cliff then"""

[Mad Dog]

"I witnessed a fire engine plough into a police car today. I was going to call an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble."

[icwhs]

"A bloke in the toilet on a train..conductor bangs on the door ""Tickets please"" ""I'm in the toilet mate, ill show you when I'm done"" Ticket conductor says ""If you knew how many times I've seen people running to the toilet when I come around and say that...slide it under the door"" Blokes slides it under the door and says ""The yellow bits are corn I think"""

[claret50]

"Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk."" The question was worth 70 points or none at all. > > One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: > 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. > > 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. > > He got an A."

[Aalborg Hammer]

"Paddy and Mick are talking about scuba diving.""Do you know why divers fall out of the boat backwards?"" Mick says ""If they fell forwards,they still be in the boat"""