THE joke threads (part 5)

Post **Mad Dog** » 12 Aug 2015, 18:13

Usual rules apply

Post **Aalborg Hammer** » 13 Jun 2019, 08:50

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.

Post **collyrob** » 11 Jun 2019, 22:30

"Two Chinese boys break into a distillery ,one boy says to the other: ""Is this whisky?""ù Other boy replies: ""Aye but no as whisky as wobbin a bank""ù"

Post **Aalborg Hammer** » 11 Jun 2019, 21:19

"Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing, says ""Have you got a tight unshaven c*nt ?"" Woman replies ""Yes, he's watching television - who shall I say is calling?"""

Post **Queens Fish Bar** » 09 Jun 2019, 17:52

"I was looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess and smoking a roll up. Then she cocked her leg and let out a massive fart. ""you are a mess and I'm disgusted with you."" I said ""I'm still the woman you love and married,"" she said ""sometimes we all let ourselves go a bit."" ""We're on our fucking honeymoon"" I replied."

Post **Mirkwood** » 08 Jun 2019, 22:04

haha

Post **Queens Fish Bar** » 08 Jun 2019, 15:30

"Yesterday was a bit of a strange day! First, I found a hat full of money and then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar."

Post **Ridikzappa** » 08 Jun 2019, 08:21

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother

Post **arsene york-hunt** » 08 Jun 2019, 03:38

"Doctor told my wife ""You've got acute angina."" She said ""Oh... thank you very much."""

Post **arsene york-hunt** » 08 Jun 2019, 03:34

#NAME?

Post **WELL HAMMERED AGAIN** » 05 Jun 2019, 17:41

What do you call a judge with no balls?? Justice Cock

Post **Aalborg Hammer** » 30 May 2019, 21:56

"I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing. One guy pushed the other and said, ""Four, nine."" The other man pushed him back and said, ""Sixteen, twenty-five."" A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, ""I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."""

Post **Aalborg Hammer** » 29 May 2019, 20:32

The Cher Noble one reminded me of it...sorry !

Post **Hammer and Pickle** » 29 May 2019, 19:46

I must admit I found it raised a giggle.

Post **Manuel** » 29 May 2019, 18:46

"collyrob 7:29 Tue May 28 It's literally like he has made it up himself, and why would she be pleased that Castle is her Dad anyway. Most of the 'jokes' on here are shocking, but carry on, there is the odd good one."

Post **arsene york-hunt** » 28 May 2019, 23:13

Bungo 11:52 Tue May 28 That's how I heard the joke but couldn't remember the name.

Post **collyrob** » 28 May 2019, 19:29

Aalborg Hammer 12:40 Tue May 28 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Genuinely one of the worst jokes I've ever ever heard.

Post **Aalborg Hammer** » 28 May 2019, 12:40

"They've just found out that Beyonces' birth father is the veteran entertainer,Roy Castle.The stars' agent said that she was 'glad to have discovered this but won't be using his surname' in future"

Post **Bungo** » 28 May 2019, 11:52

arsene york-hunt 9:34 Fri May 24 Also worked well as 'a woman with two twats'. N-Dubz Let's hope for a reunion so we can haul that one out again!

Post **joe royal** » 28 May 2019, 11:50

Cher is married to West Ham footballer Mark Noble and that's why she just uses her first name.

Post **Mirkwood** » 27 May 2019, 21:48

Haha

Post **BillyJenningsBoots** » 26 May 2019, 15:46

147man I think you've missed the joke there mate.

Post **147man** » 26 May 2019, 15:44

What do you call a woman with three cunts? The Black Eyed Peas. The woman is called Fergie

Post **Iron Duke** » 24 May 2019, 22:37

Topical

Post **arsene york-hunt** » 24 May 2019, 21:34

What do you call a woman with three cunts? The Black Eyed Peas.

Post **Mike Oxsaw** » 23 May 2019, 22:13

"I applied to join the Worshipful Company of Indexers, but, apparently, you can't get in without a reference."

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