Amazon Search and Bookmark
AFFILIATE SEARCH | Shop Amazon.co.uk using this search bar and support WHO!

THE joke threads (part 5)

Forum area for all things that are non-football.
Forum rules
Whilst 'off-topic' means all non-football topics can be discussed. This is not a free for all. Rights to this area of the forum aren't implicit, and illegal, defamator, spammy or absuive topics will be removed, with the protagonist's sanctioned.
Post Reply
Mad Dog
Posts: 2252
Old WHO Number: 10053
Has liked: 161 times
Been liked: 280 times

THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Mad Dog »

Usual rules apply
Aalborg Hammer
Posts: 117
Location: Hampshire
Old WHO Number: 19748
Been liked: 13 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Aalborg Hammer »

"I went to the doctors yesterday for a full check up and after removing my underwear, the doctor remarked that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone. I explained that its a family trait and we all have genitals shaped like musical instruments. The doctor was astounded and said in all his years he'd never seen anything like but then remembered he did have a female patient who had a vagina shaped like a mouth organ. I told him that'll be our Monica."
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"An Irishman starts work at a building site. He goes into the hut to get his safety equipment. The foreman gives him a pair of wellies and a safety helmet. ""Excuse me"" says the Irishman "" but why is there an ""L"" on one boot and an ""R"" on the other? "" ""It's health and safety""says the foreman ""It stands for left and right to make sure you put them on the right feet"" ""And what about the ""F"" and the ""B"" on the helmet"" says the Irishman? ""Health and safety again"" says the foreman ""so you dont put it on back to front"" ""Well that's amazing"" says Paddy ""Is that why my wife was told to get her knickers at C&A?"" * *This joke was originally told before C&A went bankrupt in Britain"
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"Two men standing at time urinal one says to the other: ""You're Jewish aren't you?"" "" As a matter of fact I am. How did you know?"" replied the other man. ""You're circumcised and what's more you were circumcised by Dr Katz"" the first man says ""That's incredible how did you know that?"" He replies incredulously ""Well everybody knows Dr Katz is blind in one eye causing him to cut on the slant and you've just pissed in my pocket"""
Ridikzappa
Posts: 1
Been liked: 1 time

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Ridikzappa »

Last time I ordered a Chinese it arrived cold
ted fenton
Posts: 465
Old WHO Number: 213137

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post ted fenton »

"Sad, sad people who are setting off fireworks in the middle of October. One frightened the cat so much it ran up the Xmas tree."
The Stoat
Posts: 462
Old WHO Number: 12863
Been liked: 7 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post The Stoat »

"A Red Indian Chief introduced me to his wife This is my wife, her name is four horses What a beautiful name I replied, how did she get that name I asked He replied Fucking Nag Nag Nag Nag"
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"I was coming out of an Italian restaurant the other day and one of the waiters was lying drunk in the gutter so I said to him ""Hi tiddly Eyetie""ù"
The Stoat
Posts: 462
Old WHO Number: 12863
Been liked: 7 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post The Stoat »

If Benny & Bjorn from Abba were replaced by Steve & Dave they would be known as ASDA
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"An old couple go to see the doctor. He is 99 and she is 97. She says to the doctor: ""I'd like you to prescribe him some Viagra. The doctor says : ""Surely you are still not active sexually"" ""No"" she says ""i cut them into four and it stops him pissing on his slippers"""
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"A man goes into hospital for a circumcision operation. While he is under the surgeon's knife slips and slices off one of his testicles. Aware of the consequences of a medical incompetence lawsuit the surgeon goes down to the kitchen and gets a pickled onion and sews it into the poor victim's scrotum. Six weeks later the man returns to hospital for a postoperative examination. ""Any problems?"" The surgeon asks. "" only one"" replies the man replies ""its a strange one, every time i see a cheese sandwich i get an erection"""
Ridikzappa
Posts: 1
Been liked: 1 time

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Ridikzappa »

My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school. So I punched him in the face and stole his dinner money.
Helmut Shown
Posts: 1316
Old WHO Number: 213307
Has liked: 64 times
Been liked: 72 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Helmut Shown »

"A young black bloke is walking along the shore in Jamaica and finds an old fashioned oil lamp. Rubbing the barnacles off, a big flash and a genie appears before him. ""Alright"" says the genie "" you know the score three wishes and I'm off"" ""OK"" the lad replies "" I'd like a hundred million dollars"" A big flash and there's a hundred million dollars at his feet ""I would like a big mansion on Malibu beach for.my next wish"" Another flash and he is transported to Malibu and he has the keys to the enormous mansions he is standing in front of ""And your last wish?"" Asks the genie. ""I'd like to be white and surrounded by fanny"" Another flash and he turns into a tampon"
madeeasy
Posts: 74
Old WHO Number: 22021
Been liked: 1 time

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post madeeasy »

"Just text my Boss, ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter"" He answered ""I don't know"". I replied ""I'm not coming in this morning"""
Manip
Posts: 2

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Manip »

"I went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said ""Sixty quid"" I said""that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it"" She said ""Tight Arse!"" I said ""Oh ...go on then. swt"
Queens Fish Bar
Posts: 69
Old WHO Number: 210561

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Queens Fish Bar »

"Had a job interview today. I was asked ""where do you see yourself in a years time?"" I said ""How would I know, I haven't got 2020 vision."""
Aalborg Hammer
Posts: 117
Location: Hampshire
Old WHO Number: 19748
Been liked: 13 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Aalborg Hammer »

Q: What do you call an anorexic with thrush? A: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Aalborg Hammer
Posts: 117
Location: Hampshire
Old WHO Number: 19748
Been liked: 13 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Aalborg Hammer »

Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead.
Son of Sam
Posts: 99

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Son of Sam »

If at first you dont succeed...... then sky diving is not for you.
SUM A DING WONG
Posts: 129
Old WHO Number: 275066
Has liked: 1 time
Been liked: 42 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post SUM A DING WONG »

"JonWHUFC, Very funny - i passed it on to a few!"
JonWHUFC
Posts: 23

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post JonWHUFC »

SUM - in deed I did. Thought it was funny so posted on here for those who may not have seen it. Good detective work though son. Cheers.
SUM A DING WONG
Posts: 129
Old WHO Number: 275066
Has liked: 1 time
Been liked: 42 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post SUM A DING WONG »

"JonWHUFC, You saw the video of the bloke on the coach, too!"
JonWHUFC
Posts: 23

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post JonWHUFC »

"Murphy is on his way to the zoo to deliver a load of monkeys. On the way his van breaks down. If he doesn't deliver them he won't get paid. As he is standing by the roadside, as luck would have it, his mate Paddy pulls up in his van which is empty. ""Paddy"" he says ""Would you do me a favour. If I give you £50 will you take these monkeys to the zoo for me?"" Paddy says ""Course I will Murph, load them on"". Once done, Paddy sets off for the zoo and Murphy phones the AA. After an hour, he sees Paddy coming back still with the monkeys in the van. ""What are you doing Paddy?"" he says. ""You were supposed to take them to the zoo"". ""I did"" says Paddy ""but I have some money left over so I am taking them to the pictures next"""
Willtell
Posts: 720
Old WHO Number: 224238

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Willtell »

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle? Attire
Aalborg Hammer
Posts: 117
Location: Hampshire
Old WHO Number: 19748
Been liked: 13 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Aalborg Hammer »

"A dwarf spiritualist has escaped from Dartmoor prison. The Honiton Times has a headline ""Small Medium at Large"""
User avatar
Mike Oxsaw
Posts: 4730
Location: Flip between Belvedere & Buri Ram and anywhere else I fancy, just because I can.
Old WHO Number: 14021
Has liked: 33 times
Been liked: 590 times

Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Post Mike Oxsaw »

Dear Vegans. I'm tucking into this steak because the cow that it came from was eating your food. You're welcome.
Post Reply