The Ashes.

[only1billybonds]

Just been announced that Josh Hazlewood will miss the first test due to start in Perth next Friday. This is a big blow to the Australians as they will already be without their captain and no.1 pace bowler Pat Cummins.

Englands preparations for the tour has been questioned by many as they have opted to play no warm up games aside from a one off against the English lions. 

Many are saying that its crucial that we get of to a good start in Perth which basically means we cant afford to lose seeing as the 2nd test in Brisbane is a day/night game ( fucking ridiculous) where the Aussies are strongly fancied.

Looking forward to this now but really unsure of how it will play out, I guess I'd still make them slight favourites due to home advantage. Going to be a few all nighters in the coming weeks for me, let's hope it'll be worth it.

[Fauxstralian]

He has been the biggest disappointment of the tour
Pumped up as a superstar but his shot selection and application have been substandard 

Duckett & Pope have also been poor but they don’t have the same ability

[Come On You Irons]

Harry Brook is a talented batsman 
And lacking brain cells while resembling Forrest Gump
Not sure how he is vice captain

 

Get some new material Sven. Your "jokes" are so boring

[Fauxstralian]

Harry Brook is a talented batsman 
And lacking brain cells while resembling Forrest Gump
Not sure how he is vice captain
 

[Westham67]

8 for 3 and Brooks charges down the wicket when facing Starc's first ball. If they could have had the nous and discipline to bat to the close of play with 6 or 7 down, they could have been leading by the time they were all out.

It's like Baz is Jim Jones, and only those who drank his Kool-Aid, like Key and Stokes and the rest of the team, cannot see this as a fad

 

[Westside]

These lot have been terrible, there's no doubt, but come on, that pitch is a fucking disgrace. Not one of you have mentioned it once.

Good point ED. England are crap, but when you come out of day 1 of a test, 40 odd runs behind with 20 wickets down, the pitch needs to be questioned.  

And to think England won 11 of their first 12 tests under McCullum after winning one of their previous 17.

Almost a bit of Moyes about Bazball. Worked initially, but couldn't progess, once worked out.

Seems like yesterday, not 15 years ago, waking up on Boxing Day, to find England had virtually retained the Ashes.

[southbankbornnbred]

How long have you been watching Cricket for, Southbank?

Since I was a kid, fella. Probably the same as you.

[Eerie Decent]

Pipe down Priscilla, you mincing queen of the desert.

[Fauxstralian]

Ha ha 
Dry your eyes, Eerie DeCunt

[Eerie Decent]

I wasn't talking to you, you plank.

[Fauxstralian]

I mentioned the pitch in my first post

10mm of grass left is too much
Was 7mm last summer v India & was a great 5th day finish
Not sure what the groundsman was thinking
A massive advantage for the team bowling first
Ironically just like the 2010 Melbourne Test when England also gained from superior tossing

[Fauxstralian]

16 defeats & 2 draws in their last 18 Tests in Australia is pathetic
England fans respond by saying Australia haven’t won in England since 2001 but at least have generally been competitive and have won some Tests and drew the last two series
Work with a guy who was going out for the last 3 Tests and was telling me they were booking winery tours outside Adelaide and a few days in the Blue Mountains to fill their additional spare time
Am sure they have a nice time during the Australian summer but you want the cricket to be somewhere above dismal

England haven’t won a Test in Australia since doing that gay sprinkler celebration
Just saying

[Eerie Decent]

These lot have been terrible, there's no doubt, but come on, that pitch is a fucking disgrace. Not one of you have mentioned it once.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Sbbb, yeah I don't mind losing as long as they put up a fight, but this lot don't have a backbone amongst them. I'm really disappointed with Root, out of all them I was hoping his class would show the others the way to build an innings.

[Eerie Decent]

How long have you been watching Cricket for, Southbank?

[southbankbornnbred]

A serious point in all of this is I’m hearing (through a good mate, who is a cricket correspondent) that the media have been chatting to a lot of England fans who’ve said they won’t tour with England again. The combination of rising costs, and this team’s couldn’t-give-a-shit attitude, has left many thinking they can’t be bothered if the team can’t be bothered.

That’s what I don’t think McCullum, Key, Stokes and some of these players just don’t get: thousands of fans have spent vast sums following them and expect to see them at least fight as a bare minimum. Picking kids who’ve barely played multi-day cricket is NOT putting up a fight. Of any sort.

But this Cult of Cunts don’t give a shit. So why should fans bother to buy tickets that pay their wages back in England?

It’s not that England fans expect to win down under. But you pick, and prepare, a team to compete. And fight. And this Cult has not.

I’d like to see Key, McCullum and Stokes answer that while they’re still out there.

[southbankbornnbred]

Stokes has the temerity to ask for "empathy" for the players. Really Stokes? I mean fucking really?

They deserve all the cuntings coming their way.

I hope the media absolutely annihilate them. Surely that’s the one benefit of having a (formerly) aggressive UK media?!

[southbankbornnbred]

Was hearing the TMS team talking about Bethell
Played 4 First class games last season & has never scored a century 
Sent out at 3 at the MCG to face Mitchell Starc in front of 94,000
As they pointed out with Pope ditched everyone should have moved up one & Bethell batted at 6

As mentioned before Stokes has won 3 of the 4 tosses and again Australia are without Cummins , Hazlewood & Lyon and England can’t last 30 overs

Let’s face it, Bethell shouldn’t be there at all. It’s a genuine affront to decent county players (and there are a few).

Its not his fault, of course. It’s the leaders of the Waco-like brainwashed Cult of Cunts.

[Fauxstralian]

Was hearing the TMS team talking about Bethell
Played 4 First class games last season & has never scored a century 
Sent out at 3 at the MCG to face Mitchell Starc in front of 94,000
As they pointed out with Pope ditched everyone should have moved up one & Bethell batted at 6

As mentioned before Stokes has won 3 of the 4 tosses and again Australia are without Cummins , Hazlewood & Lyon and England can’t last 30 overs

[Far Cough UKunt]

Stokes has the temerity to ask for "empathy" for the players. Really Stokes? I mean fucking really?

They deserve all the cuntings coming their way.

[southbankbornnbred]

Btw, that top three for England today was as bad as I’ve ever seen from a test team.

This utterly stupid obsession with picking people who fit the Baaaaaaazball profile means you’ve got three numpties at the top end - one of whom has barely seen a red ball in his life.

The ECB should intervene and sack McCullum and Key at this point. Just to make a point. Let them play the 5th test without a coach and team director. They genuinely could not get worse.

[southbankbornnbred]

Easily the worst England touring side in my lifetime. Not just the Ashes, either. Any touring side. From any country.

Truly, utterly abysmal. Devoid of talent, pride and backbone - and they genuinely couldn’t care less.

They’re also just really dislikable. With a couple of notable exceptions, I really wouldn’t care if none of them ever came home.

We were discussing whether it would be worth keeping Stokes on as captain once Baaaz goes. I think we’ve seen the answer is “no”. He has done almost as much to create the arrogant, lazy, excuse-laden, couldn’t-give-a-shit, cotton wool culture around this group.

I genuinely prefer the Aussie players as people. Which really is saying something.

 

[Fauxstralian]

If Australia do have to bat for 10 or 15 mins tonight I’d send out Khawaja & a nightwatchman 
Save Sir Travis for tomorrow 

[fraser]

Actually made it past 100

[Fauxstralian]

Australia need to drag these last two wickets out til 6.50am so they don’t have to bat again today
Danger of batsmen being out twice on one day otherwise !
23 & sunny tomorrow… much nicer

[Westham67]

83-8 Stokes