The Ashes.

[only1billybonds]

Just been announced that Josh Hazlewood will miss the first test due to start in Perth next Friday. This is a big blow to the Australians as they will already be without their captain and no.1 pace bowler Pat Cummins.

Englands preparations for the tour has been questioned by many as they have opted to play no warm up games aside from a one off against the English lions. 

Many are saying that its crucial that we get of to a good start in Perth which basically means we cant afford to lose seeing as the 2nd test in Brisbane is a day/night game ( fucking ridiculous) where the Aussies are strongly fancied.

Looking forward to this now but really unsure of how it will play out, I guess I'd still make them slight favourites due to home advantage. Going to be a few all nighters in the coming weeks for me, let's hope it'll be worth it.

[Westside]

Result not a validation of Bazball, but credit where credit is due. Before the homophobic racist convict points it out, first England win in  Australia in 19 tests.

[fraser]

No one gives a fuck about what Australia did and what they will do, Priscilla. Stop wasting your energy trying to tell us.

It's odd isn't it surely he should be posting on plasticaustralianonline.com

[Eerie Decent]

No one gives a fuck about what Australia did and what they will do, Priscilla. Stop wasting your energy trying to tell us.

[Come On You Irons]

Two two day tests out of four is simply shocking and the International/ Indian Cricket Council should fine Australia heavily for such a farce.

Still, well done England and it was nice to wake up to that result. Also nice to see Harry "Forrest Gump" Brook carry his best alongside West Ham fan Jamie Smith. Both of whom have been at the receiving end of Sven's "wit" (read abuse) this series.

[Fauxstralian]

Well done England, all those people who spent thousands flying out deserved SOME joy
They have some spare days in Melbourne before presumably flying up to Sydney for New Years Eve on the harbour 

Strange series for Australia 
Started with disarray with their top 3 and haven’t really resolved that. Khawaja is done now, Wetherald apart from one innings hasn’t done it and Labuschagne hasn’t convinced that he is back to his early career form
Their hopes for the series rested on their attack:
Hazlewood - didn’t play at all & think is done
Cummins - only fit for Adelaide 
Lyon - good at Adelaide but didn’t finish the Test. Bowled 2 overs at Perth 
Starc - carried the attack & probably due a break at Sydney

Green a major disappointment and now vulnerable to being overlooked for the next all rounder 
Time to look forward & get some younger players in ahead of India away & the next Ashes in 2027

[fraser]

Blimey went to bed at 57-2 just woke up. 

[Fauxstralian]

With the 5-0 off the table I wouldn’t be surprised if they give Starc a break having played all 4 Tests
Will bring in a spinner anyway
Personally I’d look forward & leave out Khawaja. Move Head back to 5 & bring in Campbell Kellaway to open 
Beau Webster has been very unlucky not to play ahead of Green. Should get that opportunity 

[Fauxstralian]

A boost for England which will keep McCullum in his job. Though reckon the ECB would have baulked at the payout necessary to sack him anyway
Cricket Australia will be apoplectic at the loss of up to 3 days revenue and the groundsman will be asked for a reason for leaving 10mm of grass on a pitch already greener than ideal because of poor lead up weather 

[twoleftfeet]

Atkinson out injured, Stokes struggling. This is what happens when you don’t have miles in the tank, they are undercooked. 

 

[twoleftfeet]

Ollie Robinson is better than Carse. 

[Westham67]

Carse opens the bowling and guess what he's doing with a new ball, bowling short

[Come On You Irons]

Fair point. But you don't need to call him "Forest Gump" every time. It's pretty mean and cruel and I'm sure you would never call him that to his face, so quit being a keyboard warrior, eh.

[Fauxstralian]

He has been the biggest disappointment of the tour
Pumped up as a superstar but his shot selection and application have been substandard 

Duckett & Pope have also been poor but they don’t have the same ability

[Come On You Irons]

Harry Brook is a talented batsman 
And lacking brain cells while resembling Forrest Gump
Not sure how he is vice captain

 

Get some new material Sven. Your "jokes" are so boring

[Fauxstralian]

Harry Brook is a talented batsman 
And lacking brain cells while resembling Forrest Gump
Not sure how he is vice captain
 

[Westham67]

8 for 3 and Brooks charges down the wicket when facing Starc's first ball. If they could have had the nous and discipline to bat to the close of play with 6 or 7 down, they could have been leading by the time they were all out.

It's like Baz is Jim Jones, and only those who drank his Kool-Aid, like Key and Stokes and the rest of the team, cannot see this as a fad

 

[Westside]

These lot have been terrible, there's no doubt, but come on, that pitch is a fucking disgrace. Not one of you have mentioned it once.

Good point ED. England are crap, but when you come out of day 1 of a test, 40 odd runs behind with 20 wickets down, the pitch needs to be questioned.  

And to think England won 11 of their first 12 tests under McCullum after winning one of their previous 17.

Almost a bit of Moyes about Bazball. Worked initially, but couldn't progess, once worked out.

Seems like yesterday, not 15 years ago, waking up on Boxing Day, to find England had virtually retained the Ashes.

[southbankbornnbred]

How long have you been watching Cricket for, Southbank?

Since I was a kid, fella. Probably the same as you.

[Eerie Decent]

Pipe down Priscilla, you mincing queen of the desert.

[Fauxstralian]

Ha ha 
Dry your eyes, Eerie DeCunt

[Eerie Decent]

I wasn't talking to you, you plank.

[Fauxstralian]

I mentioned the pitch in my first post

10mm of grass left is too much
Was 7mm last summer v India & was a great 5th day finish
Not sure what the groundsman was thinking
A massive advantage for the team bowling first
Ironically just like the 2010 Melbourne Test when England also gained from superior tossing

[Fauxstralian]

16 defeats & 2 draws in their last 18 Tests in Australia is pathetic
England fans respond by saying Australia haven’t won in England since 2001 but at least have generally been competitive and have won some Tests and drew the last two series
Work with a guy who was going out for the last 3 Tests and was telling me they were booking winery tours outside Adelaide and a few days in the Blue Mountains to fill their additional spare time
Am sure they have a nice time during the Australian summer but you want the cricket to be somewhere above dismal

England haven’t won a Test in Australia since doing that gay sprinkler celebration
Just saying

[Eerie Decent]

These lot have been terrible, there's no doubt, but come on, that pitch is a fucking disgrace. Not one of you have mentioned it once.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Sbbb, yeah I don't mind losing as long as they put up a fight, but this lot don't have a backbone amongst them. I'm really disappointed with Root, out of all them I was hoping his class would show the others the way to build an innings.