THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Swiss.]

Joe Oh dear big big meltdown. You really area sick cսnt who should be banned. Mods being big pussies as usual will do nothing. Site's coming to a close.

[joe royal]

"*FUCK IT, LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE!!!* I came out of the chip shop with a meat & potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said ""I've not eaten for two days.""ù I told him, ""I wish I had your will power! * I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently ""poles and ""Romanian gypsies"" were not the correct answers. * A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said, ""Sorry about the wait.""ù I said, ""Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually."" * I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, ""Any change?""ù I said ""No, you're still black""ù. * Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, ""Fat chance with a face like that!"" * An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him,""What's wrong?""ù The boy says,""Me ma is dead""ù. ""Oh bejaysus,""the man says. ""Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?""ù The boy replies,""No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.""ù * Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better ! * Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut. * I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days, when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or a bus, and think to yourself, ""I'm gonna take that!"" * Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him ""Where am I ?""ù The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, ""You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."" * I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question....which I got wrong. The question was, ""Where do women have the curliest hair?"" Apparently the correct answer was Fiji. * A woman has a medical at the doctors. ""You are grossly overweight,""ù he says. ""I want a 2nd opinion,""ù she exclaims. ""OK. You're bloody ugly as well.""ù That should more or less cover everyone !! ü§£üòÇü§£üòÇ"

[joyo]

What's the difference between Swiss and Female Genital Mutation? Swiss is a total cսnt!

[joe royal]

"Swiss , this is a racist joke. Stevie , what's it like being blind? Could be worse , I could be black. Suggests a black man is lower than a blind man. What says now you see me now you don't? A white man on a zebra crossing ."

[,]

Is Willgrope's exile imposed or by choice

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Since WillTell got stiffed, swiss has been flapping around looking for someone to give him a bit of attention, or even a bandwagon to jump on. Help him out, somebody."

[Aalborg Hammer]

I had a sage and onion enema at the weekend...it really knocked the stuffing out of me

[Swiss.]

AKA Ernie Lol..geat joke.

[AKA ERNIE]

Swiss looks like you're being homophobic

[Swiss.]

Kearly go fuck yourself. I was asked to respond to my post and I did.

[Kearley]

Bore off Swiss. This is the joke thread.

[Swiss.]

Mike Ass is Saw Firstly refugees are of a differnt race from ours. You are sterotyping them all as staying in one room. Of course some are taking the piss but many have been torture and if sent home will be tortured and killed. Some have relatives who have; You're quite a nasty piece of work. Stay with you Thai lady boys you cսnt.

[joe royal]

Bearing in mind the definition of racist is thinking you are better than someone by virtue of being a different race.

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Swiss. 5:39 Sat Oct 20 Racist? That's a joke from you, isn't it? Probably about the funniest thing you've ever posted, to be honest. But I'll humour you; it is the joke thread, after all. What part of MY joke is racist?"

[Swiss.]

"Mike that joke somes you up you racist cսnt. He's one> An English middle aged white trash man was found with a Thai boy's prick stuck in his arse. When asked if it hurt he said. ""Yes Mike Arse is Saw"""

[Haz]

"This burglar has broken into this house in the middle of the night and is going through the drawers to see if there's anything interesting. He pockets a Rolex, a wallet and some expensive jewellery. Just as he moves on to the desk, he hears this voice saying, ""Jesus is watching you,"" He looks but can't see anything so steals the wallet that he finds in the desk. ""Jesus is watching you,"" he hears again. He looks up and there, in the corner of the room is this parrot. ""Is that you saying those things?"" he asks the parrot. ""Yep,"" says the parrot, ""That's me! My name is Moses"" The burglar says to the parrot, ""What sort of cսnt calls their parrot Moses?"" ""The same sort of cսnt that calls their Rottweiler Jesus,"" the parrot replies."

[Trevor B]

What happened to the four days to clear rule?

[Aalborg Hammer]

"An old fella in his 70's goes into an expensive jewellers in Bond Street with a gorgeous leggy blonde in a low cut dress. He says to the salesman that he was going to spend a lot of money but it would be on the understanding that he'd pay by cheque and pick up the goods on the Monday after the cheque had cleared The blonde selects a £10,000 diamond necklace,a £4,000 bracelet and a pair of earrings at £7,000 On the Monday ,the old man gets a phone call from an irate jeweller saying the cheque had bounced. He says ""I know,but I've had a cracking weekend!!"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

63 immigrants died in Bradford this morning. It wasn't a terrorist incident - a bunk bed collapsed. Police suspect Al Ikea.

[devonhammer]

If you work security in a Samsung shop..... Does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy??

[mtchammer]

Patisserie Valerie's finance chief has just been arrested after police discovered unusual turnover.

[The Stoat]

"Walking past the shops the other day I was approached by several youths who demanded I got them a packet of Richmond, they gave me the cash and after returning from the shop they became aggressive and abusive, I thought to myself how inconsiderate of them and next time they can get their own fucking sausages"

[Swiss.]

Aalborg Respect. Always the best.

[Aalborg Hammer]

"A man brings his best golf mate home early evening, unannounced, for dinner, after enjoying a day of golf and a couple of beers in the 19th. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed, listening to the tirade. ""My hair and makeup are not done, the house is an f**ing mess, and the dishes aren't done. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get much sleep last night.  Can't you see I'm still in my f**king pyjamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the f**k did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid idiot?"" The husband says ""Because he's thinking of getting married''"

[Aalborg Hammer]

"""Do you have that new book on Cunnilingus for beginners?"" Librarian : ""Sorry love, I'm new here and I don't know where anything is"" ""Yeah, that's the one"""