"I got home from work, the wife said that the hospital had rung, they wanted a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample. She said she had just given them my underpants from the washing basket."

No

"zebthecat 11:17 Wed Oct 4 As I said, a lot of nonsense on here."

Mike Oxsaw 9:36 Wed Oct 4 Do you mean the front boot or the rear boot?

Mike Oxsaw 9:36 Wed Oct 4 Do you mean the front boot or the rear boot?

"Plenty of nonsense on here but that is always the case on any forum whenever anyone mentions EVs, I got a Tesla March 2022 and it is brilliant, the technology is so far ahead of anything else, e.g. charging on Tesla Chargers you just plug in, no swiping a credit card. The charger recognises the car...

That match against us a few years ago could have been even worse. Origi missed a last minute chance when offside and that wasn't flagged either. There is no difference between what happened and the offside Brentford goal against Arsenal that should have been disallowed but wasn't and the onside Brig...

"My favourite part of Private Eye is the page where they show the hypocrisy of Fleet Street. Classic this week is where they highlight the Sun taking a pop at the BBC asking who knew what when he was on BBC TV and Radio 2. But then point out that the Sun's Bizarre column awarded Brand the title of S...

I was pleased when the Gent sub Godeau came on in the 84th minute last night. I had been waiting for him.

"daveyg 10:02 Thu Jan 5 - ""any manager in the PL would have won the EL last season"" Well Brendan Rogers didn't!"

"yes, cause it all went so well when we got rid of him last time."

"Re Helmut Shown 1:16 Fri Sep 30 And the classic postcard, big chested young girl with a lisp at the doctors, he with his stethoscope in place says ""Big Breaths"". Yes she replies, and I am only thixteen."

"Re Helmut Shown 3:56 Wed Sep 21 I remember as an 11 year old about 1970 seeing a saucy postcard on display in Bournemouth where the woman sitting in bed said to her husband who was reading a book ""why can't you lick your finger to turn the page like everyone else"". As a kid of those days you kind...

"Bloke goes into a florists and says he wants a big Valentines bouquet for his wife. Florist says, are you looking for anything in particular? Bloke says, well ideally a blow job."

"Just watched ""The Swingers"" on All 4 - Very good drama on what happens when two Dutch couples go swinging, albeit a bit contrived. With subtitles and surprisingly few actual sex scenes. Bonus was very few adverts on All 4 but I guess if it becomes popular they'll stick some more in."

"A Burger van on the A12 just outside Romford has won the title of the best mobile catering establishment in the UK. The food is so good, it has just been awarded two Michelin tyres."

West Ham - the only football team in the world named after the two things ISIS hates most

"Played a football match at the weekend, the pitch comprised of gravel, stones and hardcore. We lost 2-1 on aggregate."