Chicken Curry I guess

War of the Century. About WW2 when Germany invaded Russia. Gory.

I was just thinking I miss Ted

I was just thinking I miss Ted

Yeah Ted kept it going

"TEACHER - Give an example of a business falier, due to poor management JONNY - A prostitute getting pregnant TEACHER - Get out of my class now"

"Met this girl and took her home to meet my parents. My dad whispered to me, ""Where the Fuck did you meet her? She's cross eyed, bald, bow legged and she's got no teeth."" I said, "" There's no need to whisper Dad, she's deaf."""

"Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout. Barman asks, ""What's wrong with Stout?"" Bloke says, ""I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fucking skint."" Barman says, ""12 pints of anything costs about the same."" Bloke replies, ""Skint's my dog."""

"I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in his life. Must be the same ring I put on when I got married."

Waiting for the first decent Phillip Schofield joke to land...

"My mate told me he was going on holiday for a fortnight so I asked him to bring me 800 cigs back. When he got back he gave me the cigs and I asked him how much I owed him He said, ""£385."" ""Fuck me! Where you been?"" I asked. ""Great Yarmouth,"" he replied."

haha

Haha

Haha cheered me up that.

Kate Bush- Moving

True Detective Season 3....So far so good.

"I was chatting to a bird in a club.She whispered, ""Do you fancy coming back to mine, I've got a fanny the size of a Polo.""I said, ""Oh yes.""When we got back to her place I pulled down her knickers and gasped.She said, ""Surprised?""I said, ""Totally, I thought you meant the mint not the fucking ...

"I discreetly removed the 'Anything Goes' call girl card from inside the phone box, quickly headed back to my hotel and excitedly rang the number. A woman with a soft, silky voice answered, 'Hello Sir.."" ""I'm in room 23 of the Travelodge Hotel"", I said. ""I want a blindfold, nipple clamps, handcu...

The Who....I'm free.

"My missus texted me to say I'm ""next to fucking useless."" I'm currently consoling the chap beside me. He really hasn't taken it well."

"I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him. I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me ""You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,t...

"Finally justice has been served. So there has been this thug called Cal going around breaking into people's houses in Yorkshire for months, but the police couldn't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all he was breaking into people's house's just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks ...

"I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented ...

That was funny..lol

Cheered me up...lol