"Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper wh...

A tory MP called Horace Caught with pants down with a Doris Shed been on all fours He'd smashed her back doors Then finished his Castlemain Four X I'm up for a slap and a tickle But my nature is really quite fickle

"Sometimes Limericks are divine, Like Helmut's Lord Fauntleroy rhyme But I like a verse that starts with a curse I'd write one but I don't have the time If I stand on tiptoes I can see Into the bedroom of the girl who lives opposite me"

"A boy says to his mum, ""I've got the biggest dick in my playgroup, is it because I'm a northerner?"" ""No"" she replied,""it's because you're 28 and a fucking retard - now be a good lad and make sure you don't get spaghetti hoops down the front of your Manchester United shirt""."

"There once was an old drunken Mick, On the District line took out his prick Two old girls sat near by One started to cry The other bent down for a lick I'm stuck in the pub on my jack Waiting for a whisky to knock back"

Late! Yours Helmut

It's said that my old auntie Nora Has sores on her labia minora It's eased off with grass That she sticks up her arse Lubricated with 0% flora My dentist just gave me the bill I have to admit feeling quite ill

He watched a rivulet of cum. Gently flowing from his girlfriend's bum. Her legs slightly parted She suddenly farted Said rivulet flew off with aplomb! sitting on the pan straining hard I suddenly heard so one in the yard

I'm counting the days till we vote My choice of MP is a goat He looks very weird With a full goatee beard And a big wooly angora coat If I were forced to choose I would rather give up smoking than booze

There once was a girl called Jean Who failed to keep her privates clean When she sat down She left something brown Although it could be considered dark green Miliband and Cameron went out For a pint of bitter and stout

We won't be first on I'd say On this evening's Match of the Day I'll have to confess ta' Not guessing Leicester And Linnekar getting his way! A man named Tiberious Thank Was cutting in half a long plank

We won't be first on I'd say On this evening's Match of the Day I'll have to confess ta' Not guessing Leicester And Linnekar getting his way! A man named Tiberious Thank Was cutting in half a long plank

"A man in the Bois de Boulogne, Found a rather unusual coin. Much to his surprise it had Heads on both sides And you couldn't even see the join My Auntie had taken up smack But she decided to give up the crack"

I got myself a new flat But my new neighbours a bit of a prat He stands at his door With his pants on the floor His names Sam and he's northern and fat I like a good fumble around In the dark and dense underground

I got myself a new flat But my new neighbours a bit of a prat He stands at his door With his pants on the floor His names Sam and he's northern and fat I like a good fumble around In the dark and dense underground

Want a laugh? Then let's have some Levy leaves Spurs sans stadium He should appear at the London Palladium He talks so much shite He just as well might Just so long as they don't ask him today dium I know thats crap but look what i had to start with I just met a three foot tall dwarf Who's name was ...

Going out without any drawers Keeping cool or exhibitionist whores? Unless you're a granny As showing your fanny Will result in all manner of sores Liverpool tarts are the best They keep secrets under their vests

There once was a young man from Reading. Did a run of the mill beheading. What with military junters and Chelsea head hunters I really don't know where we're heading I met a young pikey today His track suit was dirty and grey