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THE joke threads (part 5)
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Whilst 'off-topic' means all non-football topics can be discussed. This is not a free for all. Rights to this area of the forum aren't implicit, and illegal, defamator, spammy or absuive topics will be removed, with the protagonist's sanctioned.
Whilst 'off-topic' means all non-football topics can be discussed. This is not a free for all. Rights to this area of the forum aren't implicit, and illegal, defamator, spammy or absuive topics will be removed, with the protagonist's sanctioned.
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"""Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy"" - Richard Stott ""What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh"" - Milton Jones ""A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'"" - Jake Lambert ""A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it"" - Ross Smith ""Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning"" - Ross Smith ""I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it"" - Adele Cliff ""After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford ""To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian"" - Mark Simmons ""I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts"" - Ivo Graham"
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Heard about the man who kept shouting 'brocolli' and cauliflower' Thought he had florets
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- Location: Hampshire
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Fella comes home and asks his wife if she'd like to play a sex game. ""OK"" she says ""What do I have to do??"" ""I've got flavoured condoms and you have to guess what flavour they are"" She goes down on him and says ""Cheese and onion?"" ""Wait a minute ,I haven't put one on yet"""
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"On the recommendation of a friend, a bloke decides to try a new brothel in town. He goes into reception and is greeted by a young lady who passes him a card. He says: ""What's this then?"" ""It's the menu "" she replies He looks at the card and reads Hand job £10 Blow job £30 Full sex £50 Anal £70 Sundries Coffee £2 Tea £1.50 Cheese sandwich £3 Ham sandwich £3.50 ""Wow"" he exclaims ""Are you the girl that does the hand jobs"" ""Yes"" she replies He looks at the menu and says ""Wash your hands I'll have a cheese sandwich!"""
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"The inventor of predictive text pissed away yesterday , his funfair is next monkey."
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- Posts: 117
- Location: Hampshire
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I really hate it when your finger pops through the toilet paper when wiping . . . . But apart from that I'm really enjoying my new job in the old peoples home
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"One of my mates reckons the temperature of his testicles is 27 degrees celsius""¶ Absolute bollocks!"
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- Posts: 260
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Aalborg Hammer Your ""òjoke' of 9:03 Fri Aug 9 almost sounds like one you just made up, ""¶but this one - 5:45 Tue Aug 13 is superb"
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- Posts: 99
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"A mate of mine has been collecting magazines on Osteopathy for nearly twenty years now. He has lots of back issues,"
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- Posts: 117
- Location: Hampshire
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My grandparents real names were Nanny Pearl and Grandpa Dean but we just called them Grandma and Grandpapapapapapapapapapa
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Husband and wife sit down to dinner in a restaurant . Food arrives. Husband: the food here looks great ,let's eat. Wife: you usually pray before you eat luv . Husband: that's at home luv, the chef here knows how to cook."
- Mike Oxsaw
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- ray winstone
- Posts: 485
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Jim Bowen. My favourite moment. ""Next up at the ""òockey we've got Hoppy...why'd they call you Hoppy lad?""ù ""Cos I've only got one leg Jim.""ù ""Lovely. Smashing.""ù"
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I went out with a girl once who told me she was a carpenter. She really enjoyed doing a bit of tongue in groove
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- Posts: 117
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"A Sea Cow-shaped Zeppelin, advertising the rock opera ""Tommy"", has just burst into flames and crashed to earth. Oh, The Who manatee!"
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Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Called in to see my Scottish neighbour last night, I walked in as he was up a ladder stripping wallpaper. ""Alright Jock, spot of decorating?"" ""Moving house""."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"I asked my wife why did she marry me. Wife: ""Because you are funny."" Me: ""I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?"" Wife: ""You see? You're hilarious."""
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- Location: Divorced in Hertfordshire
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- Posts: 36
- Location: Divorced in Hertfordshire
- Old WHO Number: 33133
- Been liked: 6 times