THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Willtell]

Excellent!

[Briano]

"I got an ""òout of the blue'call today from a lovely ex girlfriend, I was surprised but ended up chatting for ages about our younger days, romance and the wild times we shared. I couldn't believe it when she suggested meeting up and rekindling some of that ""òold' magic I have to admit I was tempted but told her I probably wouldn't keep pace with her nowadays..I'm older, greyer, have a thinning hairline plus I don't have the energy I used to have. She just giggled in a cute way and said ""òI'm sure you can rise to the challenge' Ok why not' I said, as long as you can put up with a waistline that's a few inches wider, lack of muscle tone, teeth are a bit yellowed and I'm developing Jowls like a Great Dane. Again she reassured me laughing and told me not to be silly She teased me saying grey haired older men were cute and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway she giggled ""ò I've put on a few pounds myself' So I told her to Fuck off"

[COOL HAND LUKE]

"My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life.She may be right, but I'd still prefer it if she didn't have one..."

[Aalborg Hammer]

"I walked in on my deaf brother masturbating furiously to Babestation. Good on him, when you can lip read like him who needs to pay £1.50 per minute."

[Willtell]

Tottenham signed Mourinho to win the PL...

[COOL HAND LUKE]

"A bloke I work with told me he was going to end his life by pouring a gallon of petrol over himself and putting a match to it. I told him, ""Ahmed, it's at times like this you need your family around you."""

[The Stoat]

ted ;-)

[ted fenton]

"Grealish apparently made a official complaint to the referee after the game, regarding Coufal and social distancing he winged that there was never 2 metres between them the whole game :-)"

[Aalborg Hammer]

"A rich bloke from Barnsley goes to the jewellers ""can tha mek us a gold statue o mi dog?"" Jeweller asks ""duz tha want it 18 carat?"" ""no chewin a bone yer daft twat"""

[The Stoat]

BKnowles21 2:07 Wed Feb 3 Don't look like he has any spare time going by hislatest diary entry ;-) Criticize Wank Criticize Wank Criticize Wank Criticize Wank Criticize Wank Criticize Wank

[BKnowles21]

Dandy Lyon 10:48 Mon Feb 1 You seriously need to find something better to do with your time.

[riosleftsock]

"Do you remember when people scoffed at the mere idea of Mel Gibson successfully portraying a scotsman? Well they're not laughing at the racist alcoholic now, are they?"

[ted fenton]

"A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'"

[Nurse Ratched]

*chuckles*

[Hermit Road]

I had it down as Rachmaninoff

[Nurse Ratched]

"""I'll be Bach""?"

[The Stoat]

"Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in their new Hollywood blockbuster The Great Composers ÔøΩI'll be BeethovenÔøΩ said Stallone. ÔøΩI'll be MozartÔøΩ added Willis. ÔøΩWhat about you, Arnie?ÔøΩ they askedÔøΩ...."

[ted fenton]

Spooky Indeed ! Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world. Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

[Jasnik]

spooky I was just talking about eating dandelions today. this is not a joke

[Jasnik]

spooky I was just talking about eating dandelions today.

[ted fenton]

"A teacher asks her students to use the word Dandelion in a sentence Leroy raises his hand and says, the cheetah is faster dandelion."

[Side of Ham]

Bloke called Dandy walks into the joke thread and ends up being the joke...... :-)

[Aalborg Hammer]

"Q.What do you call a duck with no body,no feet and no head ? A.Bill *doffs cap at Dandy Lyon waiting to pounce*"

[Dandy Lyon]

But you said she had trouble identifying the letters H and T so why would she thinking fisting if she can't identify it? Sounds like she has trouble differentiating and mistook the H for a T. You're welcome.

[The Stoat]

SecondOpinion 1:21 Sun Jan 31 ;-)