THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Aalborg Hammer]

"Woman & baby go to docs. Doc is concerned about babys weight. ""Is he bottle or breast fed"" he asks. ""Breast fed"" says woman. He asks her to strip to the waist, pinches & sucks her nipples & rubs both tits for a while. ""no wonder he's under weight you've no milk"" . ""I know"" says the woman ""I'm his gran, but I'm glad I came"""

[brabrook]

ted fenton 8:24 Sat May 15 Hahaha

[Haz]

Ouch!

[The Stoat]

ted ;-)

[ted fenton]

No problem Haz... Please start taking this Indian Covid Variant seriously !! my neighbour caught it and has been in a korma for a week and he's only just buried his naan. He's having the Punjab tomorrow. Better ?

[Dazman]

"For what its worth I found it funny. Cheers Ted, keep on keeping on."

[Dazman]

"How can it be racist against a religion? If you really do feel the need to dissect a joke on a joke thread, then at least have the common deceny to be intelligent enough to know what you're talking about."

[Haz]

"To be honest, I thought the joke just states that tolerance works both ways, no? The fact that it did so in an unfunny way (sorry Ted!) is neither here nor there."

[Pee Wee]

Big difference between something clearly a joke and something written by a racist that is pretending to be clever and witty

[ted fenton]

Blimey Pee Wee you've got all holier than thou years ago you was posting your daily Sickipedia jokes !! Talk about pot kettle.

[riosleftsock]

"What race is Islam, peewee?"

[wd40]

"oh it's just a joke""ù Yep they are as its joke thread."

[Pee Wee]

Yes. I saw you ignored the racism.

[ted fenton]

Where I got from is Pointless !! See what I did there :-)

[Pee Wee]

"Ted Respectfully, I believe people like you use the word ""òwoke' as ""ònot racist'. Specifically the ""òjoke' you posted, it's one of those Facebook type posts from people, like yourself, who try and fail to hide their racism by posting something they think is witty and clever and that they can say ""oh it's just a joke""ù about. In fact I bet that's where you got it from."

[joyo]

A little known fact about Danny Welbeck is that his dad was a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

[ted fenton]

Didn't have you down as being a Woke Pee especially all of your jokes over the years !! You can't say feck all these days.

[Pee Wee]

"First one raised a smile Ted Second one falls into ""òracist thinks they're being clever' category."

[ted fenton]

"Mr Moore, writing in the Telegraph says: ""I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Bradford. I think it should be the goal of every good Bradfordian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."" ""That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, ""The Turban Cowboy,"" and the other, a topless bar, would be called ""You Mecca Me Hot."" ""Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called ""Iraq of Ribs."" ""Across the street there could be a lingerie store called ""Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,"" with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side a liquor store called "" Morehammered."" ""All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.""ù Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... it is either past your bedtime, or its ""midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed""."

[ted fenton]

"YES I KNOW IT'S OLD BUT YOU WILL STILL SMILE üôÇ The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked, ""Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"" Maria: ""Well, Se√±ora, there are tree rezons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than you."" Wife: ""Who said you iron better than me?""ù Maria: ""Jor huzban he say so.""ù Wife: ""Oh yeah?""ù Maria: ""The second rezon eez that I am better cook than you.""ù Wife: ""Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?""ù Maria: ""Jor hozban did""ù Wife increasingly agitated: ""Oh he did, did he?""ù Maria: ""The third rezon is that I am better at sex than you."" Wife, really boiling mad and through gritted teeth asks, ""And did my husband say that as well?""ù Maria: ""No Se√±ora""¶ The gardener did.""ù Wife: ""So how much do you want?""ù"

[lab]

Excellent Stoat

[The Stoat]

"A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years. The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?' She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales . . .."

[ted fenton]

"A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, ""Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?""ù The rabbi responded, ""Yes, that is still one of our laws.""ù The priest then asked, "" Have you ever eaten pork?""ù To which the rabbi replied, ""Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.""ù The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, ""Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?""ù The priest replied, ""Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith""ù The rabbi then asked him, ""Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?""ù The priest replied, ""Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.""ù The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, ""Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?""ù"

[Aalborg Hammer]

"I used to be in an 80's Indie Band called ""Prevention"" We were better than The Cure."

[Aalborg Hammer]

"A dung beetle walks into a bar and says ""Is this stool taken?"""