THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[ted fenton]

"A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: ""Dark in here."" Man: ""Yes it is."" Boy: ""I have a baseball."" Man: ""That's nice."" Boy: ""Want to buy it?"" Man: ""No, thanks."" Boy: ""My dad's outside."" Man: ""OK, how much?"" Boy: ""£250."" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: ""Dark in here."" Man: ""Yes, it is."" Boy: ""I have a baseball glove."" Man: ""That's nice."" Boy: ""Want to buy it?"" Man: ""No, thanks."" Boy: ""I'll tell."" Man: ""How much?"" Boy: ""£750."" Man: ""Fine."" A few days later, the father says to the boy, ""Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"" The boy says, ""I can't. I sold them."" The father asks, ""How much did you sell them for?"" The son says, ""£1,000."" The father says, ""That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."" They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, ""Dark in here."" The priest says, ""Don't start that shit again!!"""

[The Stoat]

"Valmeira of Latvia, Maribor of Slovenia and Honka of Finland are some of the clubs Tottenham Hotspur could face in this years Europa Conference League. If youÔøΩve not heard of them before theyÔøΩre a small team that play in North London"

[The Stoat]

IÔøΩm reading a great book about an immortal dog IÔøΩm finding it impossible to put down.

[Aalborg Hammer]

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit."

[Mike Oxsaw]

Demi Lovato is now non-binary. Someone else we can't count on.

[Mike Oxsaw]

blob:https://web.whatsapp.com/13216bac-5bc8-43bd-8989-5d093c93364c

[Aalborg Hammer]

"Woman & baby go to docs. Doc is concerned about babys weight. ""Is he bottle or breast fed"" he asks. ""Breast fed"" says woman. He asks her to strip to the waist, pinches & sucks her nipples & rubs both tits for a while. ""no wonder he's under weight you've no milk"" . ""I know"" says the woman ""I'm his gran, but I'm glad I came"""

[brabrook]

ted fenton 8:24 Sat May 15 Hahaha

[Haz]

Ouch!

[The Stoat]

ted ;-)

[ted fenton]

No problem Haz... Please start taking this Indian Covid Variant seriously !! my neighbour caught it and has been in a korma for a week and he's only just buried his naan. He's having the Punjab tomorrow. Better ?

[Dazman]

"For what its worth I found it funny. Cheers Ted, keep on keeping on."

[Dazman]

"How can it be racist against a religion? If you really do feel the need to dissect a joke on a joke thread, then at least have the common deceny to be intelligent enough to know what you're talking about."

[Haz]

"To be honest, I thought the joke just states that tolerance works both ways, no? The fact that it did so in an unfunny way (sorry Ted!) is neither here nor there."

[Pee Wee]

Big difference between something clearly a joke and something written by a racist that is pretending to be clever and witty

[ted fenton]

Blimey Pee Wee you've got all holier than thou years ago you was posting your daily Sickipedia jokes !! Talk about pot kettle.

[riosleftsock]

"What race is Islam, peewee?"

[wd40]

"oh it's just a joke""ù Yep they are as its joke thread."

[Pee Wee]

Yes. I saw you ignored the racism.

[ted fenton]

Where I got from is Pointless !! See what I did there :-)

[Pee Wee]

"Ted Respectfully, I believe people like you use the word ""òwoke' as ""ònot racist'. Specifically the ""òjoke' you posted, it's one of those Facebook type posts from people, like yourself, who try and fail to hide their racism by posting something they think is witty and clever and that they can say ""oh it's just a joke""ù about. In fact I bet that's where you got it from."

[joyo]

A little known fact about Danny Welbeck is that his dad was a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

[ted fenton]

Didn't have you down as being a Woke Pee especially all of your jokes over the years !! You can't say feck all these days.

[Pee Wee]

"First one raised a smile Ted Second one falls into ""òracist thinks they're being clever' category."

[ted fenton]

"Mr Moore, writing in the Telegraph says: ""I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Bradford. I think it should be the goal of every good Bradfordian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."" ""That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, ""The Turban Cowboy,"" and the other, a topless bar, would be called ""You Mecca Me Hot."" ""Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called ""Iraq of Ribs."" ""Across the street there could be a lingerie store called ""Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,"" with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side a liquor store called "" Morehammered."" ""All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.""ù Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... it is either past your bedtime, or its ""midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed""."