There was a prostitute from Nimes Gave OAP discount it would seem An aged old dick but still in good nick Needs a tube of Viagra cream A degenerate addict once said That Benylin fucks with my head

"An ordn'ry bloke witnessed a crime But said ""I just don't have the time.. I'm really quite late And Tinder won't wait So that is my reason and rhyme"" The pigs that are running our club Quite frankly are not worth a rub"

"My woman last night seemed quite bitter, When I asked to try it up her shitter. My knob, flecked with cheese Slopped in there, with ease Next time I will bum-fuck a critter An old queen named Alouicios Had foibles construed as quite vicious"

As he knelt at the altar at mass There was a definite whiff of gas That leaked from the priest A predatory beast Who had once deflowered an ass To give up tobacco and vape. The patches or a self-help tape?

There was a young Tom called Vicky Was gently stroking his dicky It wouldn't get hard despite using lard Next time he won't be quite so picky A striker is needed tout de suite At a bargain from Goa or Crete?

"This season I just will not miss, Other teams are taking the piss I will not renew For that pile of poo My arse, the owners can kiss. A Kenyan once went for a run With a worm hanging out of his bum"

makes us laugh at them all their badge is a cock on a ball Whose fans are two bob a despicable mob With names like Jacob and Saul This whole new West Ham is a joke We were sold a pig in a poke

"Dr Who took her in the P'lice box. And she gave him a dose of the pox. So Syphilis struck From one lousy fuck And pus oozed from his cock to his socks So legalise drugs, some might say To keep nasty dealers away"

A street walker from round Kings Cross Charged reasonable rates for a toss. 'Twas more than fair In old Argyle Square But double for Jonathan Ross A Spurs fan in his Mimi Moke Procured an old brass for a poke

London Stadium the fifth of May. For us Hammers a wonderful day So Mazel tov You yids can fuck off As we win in the old West Ham way Is Bilic off in the summer? Away in his second hand Hummer

A hapless retro freak named Mick Had an accident on his pogo stick Whilst hopping through cones Disguised as The Stones He fell on his whizzened old prick A dusky young girl from the East Her cսnt smelt of Stilton and yeast

A hapless retro freak named Mick Had an accident on his pogo stick Whilst hopping through cones Disguised as The Stones He fell on his whizzened old prick A dusky young girl from the East Her cսnt smelt of Stilton and yeast

"The arrogant Brady, and co., Are clearly not all ""In The Know"" Those revolting pricks with gob on their lips... I'd rather Lala and Po. A wolf in sheeps clothing up West Went stalking young girls in a vest"

There was an old man called Bob Who expired whilst on the job He died in bliss and the reason for this was choking on menstural blob. Those Brummies are down for the day Peaky Blinders and really quite gay

"In Georgia a young racist man Applied to join the Ku Klux Klan Those southern trees With blood on the leaves Had converted him into a fan (Apologies to Abel Meeropol) The ""funny man"" Ricky Gervais Favours dressing in leather and lace"

A young Irish girl from Tralee Was caught short wanting a pee The pikey young trout Had drunk too much Stout So the pee gushed right down her knee. Tomorrow is Villa away What tactics will the Fat cսnt play?

"An army chaplain called Roy Was fondling a young drummer boy Who played the pink flute In a black gimp suit And then came over all coy Tim Sherwood, the Arsenal fan Was once caught plating his nan"

FEH You missed my inviting cross to rhyme barge with Farage. An innocent young child was felt By a preacher from the Bible Belt He sucked his thumb stuck it in her (?) bum that tasted of feta cheese melt The media's collective erection of someone's Caesarian Section

FEH You missed my inviting cross to rhyme barge with Farage. An innocent young child was felt By a preacher from the Bible Belt He sucked his thumb stuck it in her (?) bum that tasted of feta cheese melt The media's collective erection of someone's Caesarian Section

"Oops A young lady from St Moritz Was concerned by the size of her tits Her nips were huge the colour of rouge and all covered in scabs and zits A politician's last hurrah was an unspeakable act, on a barge"

"A young lady from Cambridge Kept some KY in her fridge It chilled the soul and greased her arsehole for Mary, Mungo and Midge A politician's last hurrah was an unspeakable act, on a barge"

"Big Sam stays according to Karen, More years of football that's barren If true that is poor You fucking old whore Rather him though, than that cսnt McClaren. I once flew Cathay to Key Largo. Took with me a very strange cargo"

"There once was an old Irish Priest. Whose bell end was covered in yeast. His balls? No better, were flecked with feta but still gave the alter boys a feast. A young Eritrean wench Spread her stick-like legs on a bench"

Commercials are coming up soon I know by the jing-a-ly tune It's really a joke there's not one for coke; The gear you can snort from a spoon. One morning when up with the larks I chanced upon the grave of Karl Marx

"On holiday in Madiera I caught sight of Alan Shearer Sipping beer, he sat the arrogant twat With a skanky crack whore called Kiera Whilst mooching the street called Balaam I encountered that cսnt Big Fat Sam"